JokesIHeard

GOP JOKES

  • imageTHOSE AREN’T SWEATER VESTS THAT SANTORUM IS WEARING. ROMNEY TOOK OVER ALL OF THE SLEEVE FACTORIES AND SENT THEM TO CHINA.
  • A MODERATE, A CONSERVATIVE, AND A LIBERAL WALK INTO A BAR. THE BARTENDER SAY HI MITT!
  • NEWT GINGRICH HAS OFFERED TO PERFORM ALL OF THE BREAST EXAMS THAT SUSAN G. KOMEN USED TO FUND….STARTING WITH HIS OWN.
  • ASHLEYMADISON.COM IS A PLACE WHERE MARRIED PEOPLE GO WHO ARE LOOKING TO SPICE UP THEIR LIVES; WHO ARE LOOKING FOR A LITTLE WILD ADVENTURE IN THEIR LIVES; WHO ARE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING A LITTLE EXTRA IN THEIR LIVES; WHO ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO CHEAT ON THEIR SPOUSE WITH. I’M NEWT GINGRICH, AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
  • What do you get when you cross Republican legislators Bob Allen and Larry Craig?
    A month relatively free of closeted gay scandals for the Republican Party.
  • What do you get when you mix a Republican politician with a teabagger voter?
    Hick Cheney
  • The only thing I enjoy about listening to these Republican presidential debates or listening to Right Wingers period is that it reminds me of my boyhood hanging out at a nearby duck pond listening to the frogs croak. Listen carefully my friends for when you hear a frog you hear a Right Winger. "I know!" RIBBIT! "I know!" RIBBIT! "I know!" RIBBIT! "I know!" RIBBIT!
  • The Funniest Bill Maher Quotes and Jokes From Recent Years. ”Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical cord around your neck.” —Bill Maher
  • What’s icy and distant and comes only once every 75 years? A Republican’s wife. HA HA HA!
  • What do you call a documentary about documents the NSA prepares for Republicans? Minority Report.
  • RICK SANTORUM IS SO CONSERVATIVE, AFTER HIS LAST COLONOSCOPY, HE WENT TO CONFESSION.
  • A MALE RIGHT WINGER WALKS INTO A BAR, SAYS TO THE BARTENDER "GIMME 6 SHOTS OF THE STRANGEST STUFF YOU’VE GOT." THE BARTENDER POURS HIS SHOTS FOR HIM, AND BEFORE HE EVEN TAKES THE MONEY, THE RIGHT WINGER SLAMS DOWN ALL OF THE SHOTS. THE RIGHT WINGER SAYS GIMME SIX MORE!" THE BARTENDER POURS THEM UP, AND RIGHT WINGER SLAMS THEM DOWN AGAIN. OUT OF CONCERN, THE BARTENDER APPROACHES THE GUY AND SAYS, "YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN. WHAT IS GOING ON?" THE RIGHT WINGER SADLY SAYS, "I JUST HAD MY FIRST BLOW JOB TONIGHT." THE BARTENDER SAYS "WELL THAT’S A GOOD THING. I’LL BUY THE NEXT ROUND.: SO HE POURS UP ANOTHER ROUND, AND THE RIGHT WINGER SLAMS THEM DOWN AGAIN. THE BARTENDER ASKS "WELL DID IT HELP?" THE RIGHT WINGER SAYS, "NO, I STILL CAN’T THE TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH."
  • What’s the one thing Republican men are more afraid of than legalization of gay marriage? Women.

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